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Didn’t we just have the 2020 election? How is it already time for another one?
Those are the questions I would normally ask when someone announces their presidential campaign, or even when the news talks about what the upcoming election could be like. Today, however, was different because earlier today, a statement was made in the new Roberts press room in the basement of Miner Hall: Reginald R. Bird, affectionately known at Roberts as Reggie the Redhawk, announced his candidacy for President of the United States.
Reggie’s campaign is already getting a lot of attention. Not only has he picked up key endorsements from celebrities like Vermin Supreme and his own brother and beloved Sesame Street character Big Bird; he looks like he might have a good shot at the White House as well. Polls show him ahead of Joe Biden and Donald Trump in every state – except for Wyoming and North Dakota, but only because pollsters have finally realized that neither state exists.
Polls show Reggie winning every existing state on the map.
Good luck out there, Reggie. Always remember to connect your head to your heart and engage your… wings (?) in service. Roberts looks forward to all the tweets about what’s going on.
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